high people should be assigned attendants
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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