she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
