I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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