She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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