i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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