i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
