why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
