I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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