I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
