girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
