I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
