Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
