Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
