I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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