the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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