i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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