I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
