You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize