i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
