I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
