Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
God gave him joint rollers for hands
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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