There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
