I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
