I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize