The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
