hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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