How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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