Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
