If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
