I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
