Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what day is it and did you see me today?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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