i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
