we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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