yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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