Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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