Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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