She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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