she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
In America we eat man semen.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
