Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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