Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
