I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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