eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
