Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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