You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
