If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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