He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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