youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
