someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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