I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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