He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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