and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
