i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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