You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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