Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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