This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
