Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize