god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
