Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
