Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
