3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
