How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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