You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
