I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
