The maid of honor just puked.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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