Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
