I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
