He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
