p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
