: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
